"Maybe when I clear the queue and complete every challenge in all of those games." It was the politest way of saying no chance in hell.
Lord El-Melloi II tried not to bristle at the nudge. He could recognize it for what it was, and it made him overly defensive automatically. To abate the problem, he shoved about half of Roman's cupcake in his mouth in one go.
It worked, meaning that once all the cake was devoured, he replied with, "Well, let's say one week from now I can see what happens with the Arms of Dawn and go from there. Fair?"
"That-" Roman puts his mug down. "We were thinking the same!" Roman gasps. Has Lord El Melloi II gained an unknown mind reading skill?! Incredible. What are the odds?
He should serve Emiya's cake before they are out of cupcakes. The doctor stands and goes to the kitchen in search of plates, a knife, and a pair of forks.
"Uh, by the way," he says as he is cutting down the cake with a surgeon's precision, "If you ever want to talk about your older experiences," he stops to give him the first slice. "I'm here."
"It was a logical conclusion," Lord El-Melloi II pointed out, but...well, there was half a cupcake he had to finish, so he focused on that instead.
At least Roman getting up to cut the cake meant that the doctor wasn't about to see the darkness that crossed over Lord El-Melloi II's face. The thought of discussing the Holy Grail War was not something he was keen on.
"Are you actually that interested?" he asked, trying to play it off lightly.
He nods. "I think it still bothers you," he says, speaking as his doctor, the acting director, and maybe... as his friend. "Whatever happened there left a strong impression on you that you carry until today."
It could have a negative or a positive effect on his current training. "Besides-" He looks away slightly. They are a week from the anniversary of the late director's tragic aerial accident. Maybe this is affecting him a little. "I also participated in one of those," he reminded him. He was Marisbilly Animusphere's 'assistant' on 2004.
"Roman, look at these things. They're generally upsetting to go through," was the response, said flatly and as if he was stating the obvious. He was stating the obvious! Grail Wars were, are, and always will be totally traumatizing! And if they didn't bring the possibility of seeing Iskandar again, he'd probably want to stop them from happening.
Watching the pointed lack of eye contact though, he tutted. "...In what capacity?"
Are they? "I suppose they are a frightening, dangerous experience." It's his first experience as a human being, come to think about it. That's such a bleak, funny realization. But maybe from the point of view of the Master, it's stressful and frightening. He tries to recall Marisbilly's face. He's always acted so relaxed and confident. Back then, what he truly felt?
He pushes that thought away to blink in Waver's direction, he holds his gaze and Roman feels like shrinking on his chair. "Eh?" What capacity? He's asking this. When he's known for years the tale he was Marisbilly's assistant? Does he suspect something? "I just helped Marisbilly, remember?"
He wants to say all wars are awful and look scandalized by the implication a war of that caliber isn't dangerous for the population. It was, but he had everything under control.
"Of course! A magical ritual taking place in a populated city is really insanely dangerous." Even so, the nostalgia dulled his usual retreats, distractions, he just stares at Lord El Melloi II slowly as he caught him red-handed.
He'll sulk, holding his coffee mug a little longer. He can just lie; he can easily claim he was an extra Master Marisbilly brought to cheat his way to victory. Even without circuits, this can be doable through formalcraft and book of Attendants. But that'll mean he'll be a push to join Ritsuka's in the missions.
To be fair, it's also the more believable explanation about his assistance. Look at him with his pink idol t-shirt pajamas and his cotton slippers. He looks extremely un-legendary.
He could probably make up another good excuse, and Lord El Melloi II would probably buy it. But he's in a mood tonight. Maybe is Emiya's cake or the proximity of Marisbilly's anniversary. He heaves a sigh and asks him with a small, sad smile.
"What about you, my friend? What is your wish, Caster?"
He straightens his posture as he quotes his dead Master. It's not a question directed to Zhuge Liang Pseudo Servant in front of him, though it might seem like that.
The question is worth asking. Those desires had changed in the intervening years, and one that might...god. Maybe prompt Roman to try and help? That was selfish and unfair to everyone else, even if summoning Iskandar would probably be a gain for Chaldea and it's mission objective.
He sat in silence, waiting for clarification. There was something still off about Roman's response, and the sulk did nothing but confirm the theory. It was a matter of waiting for any sense of trust to squeeze out whatever truth Roman was still keeping to himself.
"You can tell me your wish, but remember that I'm not a Holy Grail," Roman answers lightly. Although he supposes he could have made them once upon a time. "The you who sits in front of me," he adds. The present one that place who he used to be in the past. Grown into, changed. Pick your word for maturing.
He scratches the back of his head, laughing weakly. Awkward laughter helps to lighten the atmosphere. "But I was actually quoting what Marisbilly asked me, ten years ago."
He did it. He has just ripped off that band-aid. Now is time for avoidance and stuff his mouth with Emiya's cake.
It was the kind of wish that made the actual Holy Grail pointless. Just being able to do the summoning was the important part. Those were the words that would have come from Lord El-Melloi II's mouth in quiet consideration if it wasn't for what Roman had just said.
There was a little choke of surprise at the words, then silence. And then an actual response over Roman's cake devouring.
"...You incarnated?"
No who are you or anything else. Just two words said in genuine surprise, followed by: "That was your wish?"
A Rider Class Servant, huh. Well, Fate eventually allows people to meet and later depart, and perhaps one day meet again. It'll be easier if they had a catalyst or wandered on a zone connected to the Servant.
"As long you stay in Chaldea," he reminds me, "Maybe you'll see your Rider someday." But will that be fine? Even he's summoned, he won't longer be his Master. Can he bear that? Their relationship will change.
Enough of mature response, he's swallowing his slice barely chewing it. His anxiety has just gone to the roof. He can't meet his gaze for a while. He doesn't know what kind of response she's been expecting, but maybe he was a little scared. It's not even about trust with Waver, but his selfish desire to be treated as Roman. He's afraid he's jeopardized that.
But before he can answer his question in an articulate manner, he has to stop eating and drink some coffee. "Not exactly," he says, after musing about it, "I... He wished for a second human life to live as a different person. Incarnation would imply the Servant just gained a body. The contents won't change, just the shell." That's not what happened. "I'm a human being, Lord El Melloi II. And I'm a person different from the Servant who made that wish."
The thought was one of the first that Lord El-Melloi II had when he was summoned to Chaldea. In all the anger at the situation, the possibility of Iskandar being summoned had helped him get through and truly come to terms with the new reality he was living with. The changes that would go hand-in-hand with Iskandar's pressence, those were things that he refused to think about.
"...So just...you just wanted to go with being a person..." he trailed off, thinking of what Rider's meeting of the three kings was like. It suggested the kind of person that, like Saber, had not had such an opportunity in life - and unlike Saber, wanted to embrace that opportunity. He sat there for a few moments, then nodded. Not in approval, but more to himself to show that he could understand that wish.
"That explains a few things about you when we first met." There was the threat of a wry smile on his lips.
They'll find a way to summon Iskandar, honestly. And his younger, underage self as well. And maybe any future in between bara bear and jailbait version for Lord El Melloi II's fetish!
"Uh, maybe?" Roman laughs, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. "I thought I became human because of that wish," he confesses softly, "But maybe that I was able to think a wish like that is what made me human for the first time." He doesn't touch his food or coffee anymore but still stares at them.
"When Marisbilly asked that, the idea of having a wish, asking for anything, that never even occurred to him." Maybe saying a different person is wrong. Perhaps. "Perhaps I'm just the person he could never develop to be in life?" He's not fully certain. He finally looks up when Lord El Melloi II brings up their first meeting. "Yeah, uh, well," he averts his gaze slightly, "I was like an overeager child in an adult's body," he says apologetically. He still is in many ways.
It isn't a fetish, it's a preference! For Iskandar. And only Iskandar. Sometimes you just love one person. At least that would be the protest.
The whole conversation feels like a fair trade for the earlier consultation in which Lord El-Melloi II relayed all of his own issues and anxieties with relation to Chaldea. It felt...not nice, exactly, but it brought some things to the front that felt like the playing feel was now far more even.
"I'll be honest, that sounds like a chicken-and-egg way of thinking of a wish. However you reached the conclusion and the decision to go with it, you did."
Absent all of this is the question of who Roman had been before he was the doctor that sat across from him. "And...okay, maybe you're close to who you might've been if your path had gone a different way, absent your current clothing and certain interests." Israel did not have internet idols in Solomon's time. That was a cold hard fact. "The only worthwhile thing is to ask if you are generally okay with being that person.
Lord El-Melloi II waved off the apology. "I've wrangled worse. Like I've said before, I ended up enjoying that day."
It's fine, Roman understands. His loyalty to Magi ★Mari shall never falter!
Roman feels bad to dump this all on him. Leonardo is the to go pick for talking about this but is a little different. He feels that Waver understands more the traumatic existential crisis of passage from Servant to man or the opposite.
"I guess that's right," Roman murmurs, adding two spoonfuls of sugar to his cooling coffee. He nods. He's just as he would have been as a human. Minus the powerful mage, or the king part, and even his appearance which is shifted from how he used to look. But those are minor details. "I don't think I can tell that yet," he admits, after thinking about it, "My journey's not over. And in the end, I think I'll look back to this life I gained and give it a meaning."
He picks up his mug again to take a sip. "I'm glad, uh, but I had to say it." It's natural to think fondly of the past and want to slap your younger self for acting more idiotically than usual.
Edited (I totally forgot to paste that ffffffff) 2018-10-13 04:08 (UTC)
Oh Roman. If only you knew the truth of your idol.
"And you probably have done far better with the present circumstances because of that past lifetime," he commented. It was impossible not to recall Roman's reluctance towards leadership, and this explained why. It was connected to that past and a desire not to return to it. Selfish, yes, but given the circumstances, understandable. "Unless I misread you and you weren't a leader of some type."
That is the most that he will do in terms of trying to figure out who Roman once was. It was a broad category, one he felt comfortable brushing against.
"Understood. It's often hard to feel any kind of affection for one's past self." There's that self loathing again, this time directed at what may as well be an entirely different person as far as Lord El-Melloi II is concerned. Quietly, he prays Roman never has to deal with that bundle of...of everything.
He'll never ever blame dear Mari for her manager. What kind of fickle fan do you think he is? For shame!
Roman nods quietly. All the other man is saying is true. But actually, instead of doing what he wanted, he ended up... falling into old habits like burdening himself with the world. Again. At least this time he chose it. He's recognized the same reluctance in Lord El Melloi II. Call him a hypocrite, but he doesn't want him to repeat his mistakes.
When he brings up that he was probably a leader in his past, Roman almost snorts. He doesn't, though. While he prefers to drop the subject, he owes him an explanation. He can't be a coward forever and hide behind secrets as tempting that is.
"In that past life, um, well- I was born king," he chooses his words wisely. It's the best description he can give. Roman's neutral voice and posture lack the arrogance of every single ruler in Chaldea. Even Nitocris, with all her insecurities, carries herself with the regal confidence of a Pharaoh.
However, even in his usual unkingly ways, there are those rare occasions Roman stands his ground. On the same breath he lets some people walk over him, he's quick to remind the King of Heroes he's a Servant contracted with Chaldea. He has to listen to his Master, then. The surprising part is that Gilgamesh never tries to override his authority either, unlike the first unruly behavior with Ritsuka.
"I bet you were a cute kid, though," Roman says with a grin. It helps him to try to speak of something else. Something not Roman related.
A better fan than Waver? That's probably the correct answer.
The little nugget of information about Roman's past confirms the hunch El-Melloi II harbored about Roman having far more to him than he ever let on. It was the little slips in the past, and now everything simply made sense together. Rather than prod him further, he just nodded. "No wonder you've shied away from being in charge then."
It was hard to fault him for it, at least that was the undertone in Waver's statement. To spend a lifetime in that position, only to wish for a change and yet still be forced into such a role? Infuriating, absolutely infuriating.
There's a strained smile at the mention of childhood. "I was a precious brat," Lord El-Melloi II corrected. "Extremely precious."
"That's right! You understand now why I was so reluctant back then!" Roman mildly whines his bad fortune about being put in charge. When El Melloi II brought up he had a 'natural talent' which caused him to flinch inwardly. Although- "Maybe is for the best," he admits, sighing. "I'm unsure how Marie would have carried out in middle of this crisis." Her trip was probably well-timed. "She's a capable person, but I think she'll be more unhappy than me." Stress got her easily. Lev's death would probably hit her even harder.
"There's a constant ego-pushing around here," he admits, "Imagine most legendary rulers trapped in a single space." And some would love to extend their rule even if they were long dead. Queen Medb, Ozymandias, among others. "I try to not intervene when Ritsuka's trying to handle them. Usually, the Master is enough..." He sighs at the cases they get difficult and rebellious. He wonders if he's not cruel with his hands off mentorship.
His smile becomes more relaxed. "And you grow up to become a fine professor," he compliments, "So it has a good ending."
"It could be a responsibility shared, should she return," he pointed out gently. "She'll have to learn the skillset to not only bring Chaldea further into the future, but the rest of humanity as well when the Grand Order is said and done."
There was a grimness to the words. Mage heirs had to do it, whether they wanted to or felt well suited to the matter or not. That was simply the way of the world of magi. Many would be better off leaving it, but that would be to go against family wishes, and those were not easy things to buck.
At the mention of legendary rulers in a single place, a small, short laugh escaped Lored El-Melloi II's throat. It was quickly followed up by, "Sorry, sorry. I've just seen the attempt once and it was...unique." A banquet that only Rider could have pulled off. He'd be delighted to be in this place, wouldn't he? Hell. Darius was here, they could settle things properly.
"...I know there's a segment of the Clock Tower student population that would take the word fine in a different way, and I truly hate that fact." Why was that a thing? Why him?!
Roman bursts out in a brief, soft laugh. "Have you met Marie?" he asks, curiously. "She'll refuse vehemently. She has a strong sense of responsibility, even if she takes up a burden she hates." And he wishes she'll take care of herself more. "Only Lev could make her relax and he's gone." That makes his smile falter. Lev's suicide still haunts him. Why did he do that?
He looks up at Lord El Melloi II's rare laughter. "Uh, no it's fine? I think you should laugh more often." For his mental health. "Rulers sharing some kind of Servant dorm or...?" He's probably talking about his Holy Grail War. Roman knows and he's purposefully fishing up for information. It seemed like a good memory, after all.
He blinks, looking confused. "Huh? How else would you take it?" There is some British slang he's unaware?
"It's most likely that she was introduced at some Clock Tower function." Those were chaos in their own way, and Lord El-Melloi II usually tried to leave those as early as possible. At any rate, he clicked his tongue at Roman's description of the young woman. "I think we've spoke enough about mage families and how they treat their kids for a lifetime though."
He could probably go on for a lifetime about the topic too, but no one actually wanted that.
"...No, just," he paused, breathing through his nose. He didn't want to talk about the Grail War. He didn't. But if pressed, a cliff notes version of the incident was possible. "Rider tried to get all the other kings together to debate who should take custody of the Holy Grail. He just wanted them all to join his army anyway rather than fight."
It was an explanation delivered a little too cleanly, a little too emotionlessly. This was picking at a scab.
"Yes, we did. I guess I'm an outsider, so-" he sighs, looking a little helpless. Normally he shouldn't say this, because isn't his business anymore and he can't interfere. Hasn't he burdened himself enough already? Clearly not. "No, actually I'm not an outsider all things considered."
He really should tell Marie about this. The truth about him and her father. Sometimes he feels she hates him because she thinks he's either Marisbilly's secret child or some kind of mistress. Either way, a blemish to her family.
He's quiet when Waver explains Rider's plan. It sounds outrageous, even consider rulers would put their pride together. Naturally, the kind of person he used to be wouldn't have minded in the least. Marisbilly would have stopped him. "He sounds like a great guy," he says warmly to comfort Waver in a way. A little egotistical but most kings are. Then he vacillates for a few minutes, "I don't think it'll have work, though, even if they had agreed." The Grail needs Servants to die to fill it with their magical energy in order to operate.
Oh my god. He forgot because he was only thinking about praising how Waver had mature in a way a father does, but it could have been misunderstood. "I didn't mean it t-that way!" Roman immediately squeaks, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm not saying you're ugly." He really should stop talking, right? He feels his ears burn in embarrassment. "I was only saying you're an outstanding teacher!" That's it.
"You occupy both spaces," El-Melloi II offered quietly. "It just gives you a different perspective. Nothing else." Marie clearly meant a lot to Roman, much like Mash did. There wasn't any surprise that he cared about the young woman. There were probably other complicated bits that went undiscussed anyway.
At the words great there was a flash of a smirk on El-Melloi II's face, as if Roman said some secret key word that explained everything about Rider. With an ease, he leans back in his seat, crossing one leg over the other. "Of course it wouldn't have. It'd only have a marginally better chance of success here. Doesn't mean the idiot wouldn't try with utmost earnestness."
The word idiot was said with real fondness, one that helped to gloss over the best vocabulary mistake Roman could ever make. "I know you meant it that way. I was remarking on the fact it was nice to hear it used in that manner rather than what I've heard way too many times over the years."
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Lord El-Melloi II tried not to bristle at the nudge. He could recognize it for what it was, and it made him overly defensive automatically. To abate the problem, he shoved about half of Roman's cupcake in his mouth in one go.
It worked, meaning that once all the cake was devoured, he replied with, "Well, let's say one week from now I can see what happens with the Arms of Dawn and go from there. Fair?"
his farming destiny even follows him in rp
He should serve Emiya's cake before they are out of cupcakes. The doctor stands and goes to the kitchen in search of plates, a knife, and a pair of forks.
"Uh, by the way," he says as he is cutting down the cake with a surgeon's precision, "If you ever want to talk about your older experiences," he stops to give him the first slice. "I'm here."
He means his cherished Holy Grail War.
is it a blessing or a curse
At least Roman getting up to cut the cake meant that the doctor wasn't about to see the darkness that crossed over Lord El-Melloi II's face. The thought of discussing the Holy Grail War was not something he was keen on.
"Are you actually that interested?" he asked, trying to play it off lightly.
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It could have a negative or a positive effect on his current training. "Besides-" He looks away slightly. They are a week from the anniversary of the late director's tragic aerial accident. Maybe this is affecting him a little. "I also participated in one of those," he reminded him. He was Marisbilly Animusphere's 'assistant' on 2004.
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Watching the pointed lack of eye contact though, he tutted. "...In what capacity?"
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He pushes that thought away to blink in Waver's direction, he holds his gaze and Roman feels like shrinking on his chair. "Eh?" What capacity? He's asking this. When he's known for years the tale he was Marisbilly's assistant? Does he suspect something? "I just helped Marisbilly, remember?"
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"You didn't feel that way when you were going through the war with Marisbilly? I mean, especially as a non-mage?"
If Roman needed to know where he slipped, well. That was it.
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"Of course! A magical ritual taking place in a populated city is really insanely dangerous." Even so, the nostalgia dulled his usual retreats, distractions, he just stares at Lord El Melloi II slowly as he caught him red-handed.
He'll sulk, holding his coffee mug a little longer. He can just lie; he can easily claim he was an extra Master Marisbilly brought to cheat his way to victory. Even without circuits, this can be doable through formalcraft and book of Attendants. But that'll mean he'll be a push to join Ritsuka's in the missions.
To be fair, it's also the more believable explanation about his assistance. Look at him with his pink idol t-shirt pajamas and his cotton slippers. He looks extremely un-legendary.
He could probably make up another good excuse, and Lord El Melloi II would probably buy it. But he's in a mood tonight. Maybe is Emiya's cake or the proximity of Marisbilly's anniversary. He heaves a sigh and asks him with a small, sad smile.
"What about you, my friend? What is your wish, Caster?"
He straightens his posture as he quotes his dead Master. It's not a question directed to Zhuge Liang Pseudo Servant in front of him, though it might seem like that.
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The question is worth asking. Those desires had changed in the intervening years, and one that might...god. Maybe prompt Roman to try and help? That was selfish and unfair to everyone else, even if summoning Iskandar would probably be a gain for Chaldea and it's mission objective.
He sat in silence, waiting for clarification. There was something still off about Roman's response, and the sulk did nothing but confirm the theory. It was a matter of waiting for any sense of trust to squeeze out whatever truth Roman was still keeping to himself.
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He scratches the back of his head, laughing weakly. Awkward laughter helps to lighten the atmosphere. "But I was actually quoting what Marisbilly asked me, ten years ago."
He did it. He has just ripped off that band-aid. Now is time for avoidance and stuff his mouth with Emiya's cake.
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It was the kind of wish that made the actual Holy Grail pointless. Just being able to do the summoning was the important part. Those were the words that would have come from Lord El-Melloi II's mouth in quiet consideration if it wasn't for what Roman had just said.
There was a little choke of surprise at the words, then silence. And then an actual response over Roman's cake devouring.
"...You incarnated?"
No who are you or anything else. Just two words said in genuine surprise, followed by: "That was your wish?"
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"As long you stay in Chaldea," he reminds me, "Maybe you'll see your Rider someday." But will that be fine? Even he's summoned, he won't longer be his Master. Can he bear that? Their relationship will change.
Enough of mature response, he's swallowing his slice barely chewing it. His anxiety has just gone to the roof. He can't meet his gaze for a while. He doesn't know what kind of response she's been expecting, but maybe he was a little scared. It's not even about trust with Waver, but his selfish desire to be treated as Roman. He's afraid he's jeopardized that.
But before he can answer his question in an articulate manner, he has to stop eating and drink some coffee. "Not exactly," he says, after musing about it, "I... He wished for a second human life to live as a different person. Incarnation would imply the Servant just gained a body. The contents won't change, just the shell." That's not what happened. "I'm a human being, Lord El Melloi II. And I'm a person different from the Servant who made that wish."
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"...So just...you just wanted to go with being a person..." he trailed off, thinking of what Rider's meeting of the three kings was like. It suggested the kind of person that, like Saber, had not had such an opportunity in life - and unlike Saber, wanted to embrace that opportunity. He sat there for a few moments, then nodded. Not in approval, but more to himself to show that he could understand that wish.
"That explains a few things about you when we first met." There was the threat of a wry smile on his lips.
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"Uh, maybe?" Roman laughs, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. "I thought I became human because of that wish," he confesses softly, "But maybe that I was able to think a wish like that is what made me human for the first time." He doesn't touch his food or coffee anymore but still stares at them.
"When Marisbilly asked that, the idea of having a wish, asking for anything, that never even occurred to him." Maybe saying a different person is wrong. Perhaps. "Perhaps I'm just the person he could never develop to be in life?" He's not fully certain. He finally looks up when Lord El Melloi II brings up their first meeting. "Yeah, uh, well," he averts his gaze slightly, "I was like an overeager child in an adult's body," he says apologetically. He still is in many ways.
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The whole conversation feels like a fair trade for the earlier consultation in which Lord El-Melloi II relayed all of his own issues and anxieties with relation to Chaldea. It felt...not nice, exactly, but it brought some things to the front that felt like the playing feel was now far more even.
"I'll be honest, that sounds like a chicken-and-egg way of thinking of a wish. However you reached the conclusion and the decision to go with it, you did."
Absent all of this is the question of who Roman had been before he was the doctor that sat across from him. "And...okay, maybe you're close to who you might've been if your path had gone a different way, absent your current clothing and certain interests." Israel did not have internet idols in Solomon's time. That was a cold hard fact. "The only worthwhile thing is to ask if you are generally okay with being that person.
Lord El-Melloi II waved off the apology. "I've wrangled worse. Like I've said before, I ended up enjoying that day."
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Roman feels bad to dump this all on him. Leonardo is the to go pick for talking about this but is a little different. He feels that Waver understands more the traumatic existential crisis of passage from Servant to man or the opposite.
"I guess that's right," Roman murmurs, adding two spoonfuls of sugar to his cooling coffee. He nods. He's just as he would have been as a human. Minus the powerful mage, or the king part, and even his appearance which is shifted from how he used to look. But those are minor details. "I don't think I can tell that yet," he admits, after thinking about it, "My journey's not over. And in the end, I think I'll look back to this life I gained and give it a meaning."
He picks up his mug again to take a sip. "I'm glad, uh, but I had to say it." It's natural to think fondly of the past and want to slap your younger self for acting more idiotically than usual.
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"And you probably have done far better with the present circumstances because of that past lifetime," he commented. It was impossible not to recall Roman's reluctance towards leadership, and this explained why. It was connected to that past and a desire not to return to it. Selfish, yes, but given the circumstances, understandable. "Unless I misread you and you weren't a leader of some type."
That is the most that he will do in terms of trying to figure out who Roman once was. It was a broad category, one he felt comfortable brushing against.
"Understood. It's often hard to feel any kind of affection for one's past self." There's that self loathing again, this time directed at what may as well be an entirely different person as far as Lord El-Melloi II is concerned. Quietly, he prays Roman never has to deal with that bundle of...of everything.
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Roman nods quietly. All the other man is saying is true. But actually, instead of doing what he wanted, he ended up... falling into old habits like burdening himself with the world. Again. At least this time he chose it. He's recognized the same reluctance in Lord El Melloi II. Call him a hypocrite, but he doesn't want him to repeat his mistakes.
When he brings up that he was probably a leader in his past, Roman almost snorts. He doesn't, though. While he prefers to drop the subject, he owes him an explanation. He can't be a coward forever and hide behind secrets as tempting that is.
"In that past life, um, well- I was born king," he chooses his words wisely. It's the best description he can give. Roman's neutral voice and posture lack the arrogance of every single ruler in Chaldea. Even Nitocris, with all her insecurities, carries herself with the regal confidence of a Pharaoh.
However, even in his usual unkingly ways, there are those rare occasions Roman stands his ground. On the same breath he lets some people walk over him, he's quick to remind the King of Heroes he's a Servant contracted with Chaldea. He has to listen to his Master, then. The surprising part is that Gilgamesh never tries to override his authority either, unlike the first unruly behavior with Ritsuka.
"I bet you were a cute kid, though," Roman says with a grin. It helps him to try to speak of something else. Something not Roman related.
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The little nugget of information about Roman's past confirms the hunch El-Melloi II harbored about Roman having far more to him than he ever let on. It was the little slips in the past, and now everything simply made sense together. Rather than prod him further, he just nodded. "No wonder you've shied away from being in charge then."
It was hard to fault him for it, at least that was the undertone in Waver's statement. To spend a lifetime in that position, only to wish for a change and yet still be forced into such a role? Infuriating, absolutely infuriating.
There's a strained smile at the mention of childhood. "I was a precious brat," Lord El-Melloi II corrected. "Extremely precious."
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"There's a constant ego-pushing around here," he admits, "Imagine most legendary rulers trapped in a single space." And some would love to extend their rule even if they were long dead. Queen Medb, Ozymandias, among others. "I try to not intervene when Ritsuka's trying to handle them. Usually, the Master is enough..." He sighs at the cases they get difficult and rebellious. He wonders if he's not cruel with his hands off mentorship.
His smile becomes more relaxed. "And you grow up to become a fine professor," he compliments, "So it has a good ending."
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There was a grimness to the words. Mage heirs had to do it, whether they wanted to or felt well suited to the matter or not. That was simply the way of the world of magi. Many would be better off leaving it, but that would be to go against family wishes, and those were not easy things to buck.
At the mention of legendary rulers in a single place, a small, short laugh escaped Lored El-Melloi II's throat. It was quickly followed up by, "Sorry, sorry. I've just seen the attempt once and it was...unique." A banquet that only Rider could have pulled off. He'd be delighted to be in this place, wouldn't he? Hell. Darius was here, they could settle things properly.
"...I know there's a segment of the Clock Tower student population that would take the word fine in a different way, and I truly hate that fact." Why was that a thing? Why him?!
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Roman bursts out in a brief, soft laugh. "Have you met Marie?" he asks, curiously. "She'll refuse vehemently. She has a strong sense of responsibility, even if she takes up a burden she hates." And he wishes she'll take care of herself more. "Only Lev could make her relax and he's gone." That makes his smile falter. Lev's suicide still haunts him. Why did he do that?
He looks up at Lord El Melloi II's rare laughter. "Uh, no it's fine? I think you should laugh more often." For his mental health. "Rulers sharing some kind of Servant dorm or...?" He's probably talking about his Holy Grail War. Roman knows and he's purposefully fishing up for information. It seemed like a good memory, after all.
He blinks, looking confused. "Huh? How else would you take it?" There is some British slang he's unaware?
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He could probably go on for a lifetime about the topic too, but no one actually wanted that.
"...No, just," he paused, breathing through his nose. He didn't want to talk about the Grail War. He didn't. But if pressed, a cliff notes version of the incident was possible. "Rider tried to get all the other kings together to debate who should take custody of the Holy Grail. He just wanted them all to join his army anyway rather than fight."
It was an explanation delivered a little too cleanly, a little too emotionlessly. This was picking at a scab.
"...Fine is also used to mean attractive, Roman."
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He really should tell Marie about this. The truth about him and her father. Sometimes he feels she hates him because she thinks he's either Marisbilly's secret child or some kind of mistress. Either way, a blemish to her family.
He's quiet when Waver explains Rider's plan. It sounds outrageous, even consider rulers would put their pride together. Naturally, the kind of person he used to be wouldn't have minded in the least. Marisbilly would have stopped him. "He sounds like a great guy," he says warmly to comfort Waver in a way. A little egotistical but most kings are. Then he vacillates for a few minutes, "I don't think it'll have work, though, even if they had agreed." The Grail needs Servants to die to fill it with their magical energy in order to operate.
Oh my god. He forgot because he was only thinking about praising how Waver had mature in a way a father does, but it could have been misunderstood. "I didn't mean it t-that way!" Roman immediately squeaks, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm not saying you're ugly." He really should stop talking, right? He feels his ears burn in embarrassment. "I was only saying you're an outstanding teacher!" That's it.
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At the words great there was a flash of a smirk on El-Melloi II's face, as if Roman said some secret key word that explained everything about Rider. With an ease, he leans back in his seat, crossing one leg over the other. "Of course it wouldn't have. It'd only have a marginally better chance of success here. Doesn't mean the idiot wouldn't try with utmost earnestness."
The word idiot was said with real fondness, one that helped to gloss over the best vocabulary mistake Roman could ever make. "I know you meant it that way. I was remarking on the fact it was nice to hear it used in that manner rather than what I've heard way too many times over the years."
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I DIDN'T SEE THIS I'M SORRY.
DON'T WORRY i was in conference exhaustion mode
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i'll probably be slow until sunday heads up XD;
No problem, I'm about to do the next leg of conference hell
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lmao sorry about the iliad assumption I CAN CHANGE THAT IF YOU WANT
NOPE IT'S PERFECT
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you know it'd be terrible if they bonded after the Fz event
fff i was thinking he summons lil' alexander first
this sounds great double the hot waver mess of emotions
the role reversal is always amusing because he looks up waver
yup and waver's just so conflicted bc lbr he definitely has a terrible crush on iskandar
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should we timeskip after alexander is summoned, roman give him strong coffee and talk about aliens
aliens why did it have to be aliens. |D sounds good!
and we can move this!
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