He'll never ever blame dear Mari for her manager. What kind of fickle fan do you think he is? For shame!
Roman nods quietly. All the other man is saying is true. But actually, instead of doing what he wanted, he ended up... falling into old habits like burdening himself with the world. Again. At least this time he chose it. He's recognized the same reluctance in Lord El Melloi II. Call him a hypocrite, but he doesn't want him to repeat his mistakes.
When he brings up that he was probably a leader in his past, Roman almost snorts. He doesn't, though. While he prefers to drop the subject, he owes him an explanation. He can't be a coward forever and hide behind secrets as tempting that is.
"In that past life, um, well- I was born king," he chooses his words wisely. It's the best description he can give. Roman's neutral voice and posture lack the arrogance of every single ruler in Chaldea. Even Nitocris, with all her insecurities, carries herself with the regal confidence of a Pharaoh.
However, even in his usual unkingly ways, there are those rare occasions Roman stands his ground. On the same breath he lets some people walk over him, he's quick to remind the King of Heroes he's a Servant contracted with Chaldea. He has to listen to his Master, then. The surprising part is that Gilgamesh never tries to override his authority either, unlike the first unruly behavior with Ritsuka.
"I bet you were a cute kid, though," Roman says with a grin. It helps him to try to speak of something else. Something not Roman related.
A better fan than Waver? That's probably the correct answer.
The little nugget of information about Roman's past confirms the hunch El-Melloi II harbored about Roman having far more to him than he ever let on. It was the little slips in the past, and now everything simply made sense together. Rather than prod him further, he just nodded. "No wonder you've shied away from being in charge then."
It was hard to fault him for it, at least that was the undertone in Waver's statement. To spend a lifetime in that position, only to wish for a change and yet still be forced into such a role? Infuriating, absolutely infuriating.
There's a strained smile at the mention of childhood. "I was a precious brat," Lord El-Melloi II corrected. "Extremely precious."
"That's right! You understand now why I was so reluctant back then!" Roman mildly whines his bad fortune about being put in charge. When El Melloi II brought up he had a 'natural talent' which caused him to flinch inwardly. Although- "Maybe is for the best," he admits, sighing. "I'm unsure how Marie would have carried out in middle of this crisis." Her trip was probably well-timed. "She's a capable person, but I think she'll be more unhappy than me." Stress got her easily. Lev's death would probably hit her even harder.
"There's a constant ego-pushing around here," he admits, "Imagine most legendary rulers trapped in a single space." And some would love to extend their rule even if they were long dead. Queen Medb, Ozymandias, among others. "I try to not intervene when Ritsuka's trying to handle them. Usually, the Master is enough..." He sighs at the cases they get difficult and rebellious. He wonders if he's not cruel with his hands off mentorship.
His smile becomes more relaxed. "And you grow up to become a fine professor," he compliments, "So it has a good ending."
"It could be a responsibility shared, should she return," he pointed out gently. "She'll have to learn the skillset to not only bring Chaldea further into the future, but the rest of humanity as well when the Grand Order is said and done."
There was a grimness to the words. Mage heirs had to do it, whether they wanted to or felt well suited to the matter or not. That was simply the way of the world of magi. Many would be better off leaving it, but that would be to go against family wishes, and those were not easy things to buck.
At the mention of legendary rulers in a single place, a small, short laugh escaped Lored El-Melloi II's throat. It was quickly followed up by, "Sorry, sorry. I've just seen the attempt once and it was...unique." A banquet that only Rider could have pulled off. He'd be delighted to be in this place, wouldn't he? Hell. Darius was here, they could settle things properly.
"...I know there's a segment of the Clock Tower student population that would take the word fine in a different way, and I truly hate that fact." Why was that a thing? Why him?!
Roman bursts out in a brief, soft laugh. "Have you met Marie?" he asks, curiously. "She'll refuse vehemently. She has a strong sense of responsibility, even if she takes up a burden she hates." And he wishes she'll take care of herself more. "Only Lev could make her relax and he's gone." That makes his smile falter. Lev's suicide still haunts him. Why did he do that?
He looks up at Lord El Melloi II's rare laughter. "Uh, no it's fine? I think you should laugh more often." For his mental health. "Rulers sharing some kind of Servant dorm or...?" He's probably talking about his Holy Grail War. Roman knows and he's purposefully fishing up for information. It seemed like a good memory, after all.
He blinks, looking confused. "Huh? How else would you take it?" There is some British slang he's unaware?
"It's most likely that she was introduced at some Clock Tower function." Those were chaos in their own way, and Lord El-Melloi II usually tried to leave those as early as possible. At any rate, he clicked his tongue at Roman's description of the young woman. "I think we've spoke enough about mage families and how they treat their kids for a lifetime though."
He could probably go on for a lifetime about the topic too, but no one actually wanted that.
"...No, just," he paused, breathing through his nose. He didn't want to talk about the Grail War. He didn't. But if pressed, a cliff notes version of the incident was possible. "Rider tried to get all the other kings together to debate who should take custody of the Holy Grail. He just wanted them all to join his army anyway rather than fight."
It was an explanation delivered a little too cleanly, a little too emotionlessly. This was picking at a scab.
"Yes, we did. I guess I'm an outsider, so-" he sighs, looking a little helpless. Normally he shouldn't say this, because isn't his business anymore and he can't interfere. Hasn't he burdened himself enough already? Clearly not. "No, actually I'm not an outsider all things considered."
He really should tell Marie about this. The truth about him and her father. Sometimes he feels she hates him because she thinks he's either Marisbilly's secret child or some kind of mistress. Either way, a blemish to her family.
He's quiet when Waver explains Rider's plan. It sounds outrageous, even consider rulers would put their pride together. Naturally, the kind of person he used to be wouldn't have minded in the least. Marisbilly would have stopped him. "He sounds like a great guy," he says warmly to comfort Waver in a way. A little egotistical but most kings are. Then he vacillates for a few minutes, "I don't think it'll have work, though, even if they had agreed." The Grail needs Servants to die to fill it with their magical energy in order to operate.
Oh my god. He forgot because he was only thinking about praising how Waver had mature in a way a father does, but it could have been misunderstood. "I didn't mean it t-that way!" Roman immediately squeaks, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm not saying you're ugly." He really should stop talking, right? He feels his ears burn in embarrassment. "I was only saying you're an outstanding teacher!" That's it.
"You occupy both spaces," El-Melloi II offered quietly. "It just gives you a different perspective. Nothing else." Marie clearly meant a lot to Roman, much like Mash did. There wasn't any surprise that he cared about the young woman. There were probably other complicated bits that went undiscussed anyway.
At the words great there was a flash of a smirk on El-Melloi II's face, as if Roman said some secret key word that explained everything about Rider. With an ease, he leans back in his seat, crossing one leg over the other. "Of course it wouldn't have. It'd only have a marginally better chance of success here. Doesn't mean the idiot wouldn't try with utmost earnestness."
The word idiot was said with real fondness, one that helped to gloss over the best vocabulary mistake Roman could ever make. "I know you meant it that way. I was remarking on the fact it was nice to hear it used in that manner rather than what I've heard way too many times over the years."
"Ah, well," Roman trails off guiltily, lightly tugging his sleeves. Is his imagination? Or does his gold ring feels hotter and heavier today? "I mean, about this mage business in general. It's also partly my fault," he admits. He--Solomon should have left a guideline for the future generations not to act like morons. "You do remember which Class I said I was summoned, right?"
That's a sight. He has no idea what he did, but he's proud he made him smile (relax?), he feels at ease with that. "That's not what I mean," he clarifies, reluctant to continue. Did Lord El Melloi II not know? He's heard the outsider magi aren't really explained the details. Still, he left the subject die. It's not pleasant to talk about sacrifices right in front of his cake.
"Oh," Roman says, ears still hot and looking flustered. Oh. "I had no idea you were so popular," he admits. But makes sense if he was one of the few younger teachers.
"Caster," he said flatly. Then Lord El-Melloi II held up a hand, a frown on his face. "Roman, I'm not your priest, a confessor, or anything of the sort. I...you've fought pretty hard to have this life and live it as you've wanted. Please, don't feel obligated to share your original identity just because of how a conversation has turned."
It was said with real sincerity, along with real concern that this was goading Roman into something he shouldn't disclose.
"Unfortunately," he said with a grimace. "And little to be done about it."
"No, but you're..." Roman pauses, he's not hesitant to admit this for himself, it's a bit hopeful in a way that he'll accept him. "You're my friend." He breathes a sigh and feels relieved to admit that. "Even if I'm... someone else now, that past is also a part of me." To deny it, wouldn't be like denying a part of himself? He's kind of ashamed of it but he's aware it's not healthy.
"I want you to know it." It's not an obligation. It's something he wants to do.
His lips quirk into a smile. "You're encouraging them by staying a bachelor, you know."
That was a surprise. A real one, as there was no snappy comeback. Or really anything but a single, slow blink. Lord El-Melloi II hoped that Roman wouldn't take it as an insult, it wasn't one, it was just...not words that he ever expected to hear. That was all.
"Okay," he said. Okay to all of it. "I..I just wanted to put all of that out there first."
It wasn't quite a plausible deniability, but the genuineness of those words were immediately undercut by Lord El-Melloi II's reaction to comments on his bachelorhood. "You sound like Reines," he said with real contempt in the four simple words. "Also, it wouldn't fix anything. Then whoever that poor partner was would just get shit, and that's unfair too."
He doesn't know how to read that reaction, but he's made his mind. "I know, and I appreciate it. It helps me to remind myself who I want to be." But still, he has too much responsibility, in a sense, to be ever as free of his shackles as he'd have wished when he was empty. He takes a long breath and reaches out to remove his right-hand glove.
He feels so exposed without it, but at the same time so free. There's nothing unusual about his hand, of course. It's a normal human one, with five fingers, and a gold ring fit on the middle one.
He smiles a bit more broadly at El Melloi II's women (?) trouble and compares him to his sister, "You don't know that," he says, giving a light shrug, "I assume if you ever liked someone to marry them then they wouldn't be the kind of person who is bothered by that kind of pettiness."
"Probably not, but that kind of thing can also wear a person down. Either way," he waved a hand, dismissing the subject all together. "I'm not interested in much of that." No one was Iskandar. No one ever would be. Perhaps it meant a lifetime of pining, but there were worse things to pine for in his estimation.
With that subject gone, likely for good, he turned his attention to what Roman felt the need to share. Giving a quiet nod, he simply said, "I've spoken over what you want to say. Please, go on."
Roman shoots him a puzzled glance. He's not interested at all? He knows he himself as shied away from having a social life, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have attraction or desires. He doesn't pry further though, as any man has his reasons.
"Well, this," he gestures to the ring fitted on his middle finger of the ungloved hand. "Isn't a wedding ring, Lord El Melloi II." No matter what Mash said! Though he supposes it's also a holy covenant just as marriage was. "It's the catalyst Marisbilly used to summon me. The only one capable of it, actually," for he's vowed to follow that ring, since he sent it away to the future, "My true Class was Grand Caster. Technically, it would have been unthinkable one of us would have been summoned by a magus to fight in a Grail War." But Marisbilly managed to cheat better than any of the three families. "I am-was Heroic Spirit Solomon. Chaldea's first summon. When I wished to become a man, I lost the other nine rings, so this one was the one left."
He's not sure why he keeps wearing it every day. Is it because it was his only connection to his old life? Or is it because it is a reminder that he is Marisbilly Animusphere's Servant?
There was a very long pause on Lord El-Melloi II's end as he processed every intonation of the words King Solomon (plus or minus profanity). It wasn't exactly hard to comprehend, Marisbilly was a powerful mage after all. It was more just...just the fact that he had essentially babysat King fucking Solomon at Clock Tower. And then used the man as a personal psychologist. And and and and a million other selfish little thoughts that churned in his head.
The words that came out of his mouth, however, were far quieter and betrayed a sense of really thinking through why it was he was speaking to just Doctor Roman, not one of the single greatest mages in all of recorded history.
"No wonder you wished for what you did."
They were said simply. Honestly. And with understanding.
"...Lord El Melloi II?" Roman asks anxiously during the long pause, fighting the urge to cover his ring. He's still not used to that - Anxiety. How it bubbles up and spreads making his smile falter into a nervous half-one and his shoulder tense. When he speaks again, Roman feels like sagging in his chair in relief.
"Well, yes. I would do it again, so I don't regret it," he admits, although he's spent most of his so-called vacation, you know, working. "Even if sometimes it gets hard to," he gives a short pause, "feel so much? I was never free to feel emotions before. When you met me I guess I was close to a newborn wearing an adult's body."
He looks away, apologetic about how easily excitable he was. There are times he's still has a hard time with emotional responses.
A working vacation really isn't a vacation, but if Lord El-Melloi II was to say that, it'd only be the pot calling the kettle black. When was the last time he had a vacation? Never. Any trip was for the sake of Reines these days, and now Chaldea? That was also work with video games as the only pleasure.
Come to think of it, that just meant Chaldea was business as usual.
It'd be a realization to dwell on later. "Nothing about you indicates to me that this decision could ever be a regret," and that was the truth of it. The line about never feeling emotions though, that had El-Melloi II's attention. He wanted to ask about it (ok, it'd just be what the fuck?), but there were some things he knew better than to prod at. "You've had a lot of things happen that invite overflow of emotions. I'm...I'm pretty sure you've felt stuff through far better than most."
God, Waver. Phrasing?
"And...I suppose that's a apt metaphor. But I'd have just called you curious."
He can't let Chaldea fall, and not just because it's Marisbilly's legacy. This is his home. He can take breaks like browsing his idol blog and use her as his personal shrink. That makes him feel good. Wearing slippers too, it's almost as good as floating around barefoot used to feel.
Roman chuckles at Waver's description. "Curiosity was the natural one to develop first," he admits, "I used to see history as a tapestry." It's hard to explain how he used to see the world when his brain isn't longer able to process or replicate all his memories. "My eyes er, well, I was a clairvoyant, born with the Sight that pierced it all. Suddenly I couldn't see longer than the average man, not the past or the future of things, or what lies beyond this world and timeline."
He picks up his nearly empty coffee. He's sure it's cold now but still sips it. "And what was in front of me became like a fascinating secret to unravel," he makes a face, lowering the cold coffee. "I hadn't developed preferences then, either." Congratulations Waver for introducing and making the former King of Magic addicted to videogames.
Home was understandable. It was the reason that Lord El-Melloi II had reacted so poorly upon his own summons. His home, how he understood it, had been yanked out from under him. There was less floating though, and that was something he'd like to experiment with just for the knowledge of it.
"I think I follow." And Lord El-Melloi II was confident that he did. It was like seeing geologic time versus just living on top of one layer of strata, unknowing how it'd be seen thousands of years later. It sounded like a curse. "Your entire way of looking at things changed, and there was a novelty to everything as well. There still is, I suppose."
He'd be proud to pass on the tradition of getting someone into video games. "I guess you picked the right time to make your wish, in many ways. There's much more to do now than in ancient Israel, although I believe someone might have an opinion in idols?"
Roman nods at Waver's assessment. He does think differently now. More like he's able to express himself either. This is also making him hungry, so he's going to slice another piece of Emiya's cake.
"Yes, it still is," he heaves a sigh, feeling his ears become hot. It's true his childishness is due to his inexperience in most things. It's been ten years and most of his time he's spent in Chaldea. "But living is learning, isn't it?" That too is good, he wants to keep on learning.
What would your sister say about this? "I know! I mean I loved my people, but modern humanity is just amazing," he exclaims with honest affection. He's pretty much the complete opposite of those Servants who yearn for the golden age of the past where humanity was, in their opinion, better. "People have more individuality now, I mean in a positive way." The one about their personal growth, and dreams, rather than the selfish kind. "Uh," he laughs awkwardly, idols, of course. "Solomon wouldn't even be free to browse Magi★Mari as I do so it'll be wasted on him."
The cake was perhaps besides the point for Lord El-Melloi II, who had abandoned the eating endevour in favor of listening better at well, at some point. The conversation had turned in a way he never expected, and that made him not want to do anything but listen, rapt.
"I'd agree that if you aren't experiencing something, you aren't learning. The only thing I say is that you should be doing it outside of these walls more, but that's for the future."
After the Grand Order.
Reines would berate him, so all the more reason to keep doing it. "Ooo, that's a debate to never have with Gilgamesh," he responded with a genuine flinch. Archer, because he would always just be Archer in Waver's mind, was still terrifying. That goddamn bridge continued to be in his nightmares.
At least the idol joke landed. "Absolutely wasted on him. And if it wasn't, you'd have to fight to be the number one fan as well. That'd be a nasty match."
This too personality conversation he rarely has makes Roman nervous. He eats when he's stressed. When he allows himself to partake and he's not busy (which is almost always). If it was about sweets, he and the King of Knights would be rivals to fill their stomachs.
"Uh, yeah, I'd love that too," Roman admits, looking at his plate a little more sentimentality. "Leonardo made this ridiculous craft and told me one day she wants to see the world with me," he pauses, feeling his ears get a little warmer, "And Ritsuka and Mash too. The four of us." However, he pauses a little and smiles fondly. "Let's also shop video games together someday in London, all right?" Hopefully, he's not death flagging them.
He anxiously picks up a portion of cake with his fork and takes a bite of it. He snorts, munching his cake. "Girmlhmesss alrmdhyph knmwowsh," he answers with his mouth still full of food. Then he swallows it and clears his throat. "I was saying, I'm pretty sure that the King of Heroes already knows my stance," he says shrugging unconcerned. It's not like Roman told him his secret, but he knows he knows and vice-versa. "He's one of us, eh, a clairvoyant, although different from that flowery bastard and I," mild-mannered Romani's tongue got a lot sharper now. As far as Roman is aware, Gilgamesh wasn't born with the Sight, it was more granted to him later, and the process to have visions is different from them. Even so- "There's this annoying 'atmosphere' among the Observers. We recognize each other." He sighs. He almost let that slip once in front of Ritsuka and Mash, but he amended it when Roman freaked out. He stabs the cake again. "Are you... scared of him?" he asks carefully, perhaps picking up his flinch. Gilgamesh can be hard to deal. Ritsuka finds him tiresome and is one of the few times Roman has to be the mediator between them.
Then all his seriousness melts away. "Damn straight! Who cares he's younger and more handsome." And wealthy and powerful king. "I have an actual personality... and a doctorate!"
It'd probably be worth an exhibition to see who could devour more sweets, Roman or Arturia. But that was a terrible idea for another day, when there was more downtime to be had and someone else besides just poor Emiya to do all that baking. No one deserved that fate, staying all night in the kitchen.
"...I'm...okay, I'd get a few other servants to test drive one of Leonardo's inventions before taking it out," he said. Not that he didn't trust a genius inventor, but just to be in the safe side. The little future excursion did sound nice though, the kind of real vacation that would be needed after all of this. "We'll max out a credit card together. Then hole up with takeout for a few days." Lord El-Melloi II wouldn't even bother to shave.
Elegant, Roman. Through all the munching, he listens carefully. "It's...the same concept, but different varities and ways of seeing?" It was a point that did need clarification, if only to ensure that he followed the rest of Roman's words. Not that he minded the sudden sharp tongue. Hell, that version of Roman ought to stay as far as El-Melloi II was concerned. It was fun. As long as he could avoid talking about his past Gilgamesh experiences, which was something to engage in starting oh, now. "We've...I've encountered him before, and I think that's all I need to say."
There only Roman's new found mouthiness now and it needed to stay forever. "I'd debate the more handsome part, actually," he offered. "Just for the record."
That poor overworked Emiya lad, at the mercy of gluttonous kings (secretly or not). He truly deserves a better fate than being chained to their kitchen, but he doesn't complain. It's almost as he enjoys the housechores. Roman admires that kind of house-husband spirit he possesses.
"It's shaped in form of a cat," he warns him succinctly, "And I don't think it has any seatbelts." He didn't see one when Da Vinci displayed her proud creation. "I'll ask Marie for a raise," he nods but immediately wilts when he knows he'll have to tell her of Lev's suicide.
He's a master of elegance, and the idea to tell Olgamarie the bad news only makes him eat faster. "Uh, he can gaze the future, but I don't think he was born with that ability." He hasn't asked, but he's quite sure he's developed it later in life. "I haven't asked him, so I could be wrong. I just have this feeling." He shrugs a little. He's not sure Gilgamesh would have been so well adjusted in his youth if he had been a Clairvoyant from birth as Solomon and Merlin. "Anyway, I don't think he'll debate my stance with me. He probably knows that I won't change my mind," he says with a calm certainty. Roman can be flustered in a lot of this, but he's stubborn as a mule too. Because he's seen all he's seen, perhaps even more. Gilgamesh is arrogant, but Romani knows he speaks because he's certain of his knowledge. There's nothing new he can tell him as he could say to others. Even though Roman doesn't particularly agree with his tyrannical views either, he doesn't think his words are worthless either. Clairvoyants have a weird relationship.
But that's unimportant, he puts his fork down and glances at Lord El Melloi II. Before, he says. He can only think of an occasion. During the Grail War that he fought for sure. But Waver survived him. Then the sinking discomfort, wondering if it had been against Marisbilly and Solomon, would it have been the same? He lets a moment pass, two beats, three, and then- "Give me a list about which Servants are you uncomfortable with," he says, as acting director, as a friend. "I don't want to accidentally place you in a mission with them."
Roman laughs at Waver's remark. "That's flattery, and you know it." Still, his heart is pure for Mari. So he keeps the joke. "You think? I'll be a better catch as an aging doctor in my thirties?" He's got some self-loathing, though at least he knows he's not completely hideous, he's got of none Solomon's ethereal and otherworldly looks. But hey, at least Roman's taller.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Roman nods quietly. All the other man is saying is true. But actually, instead of doing what he wanted, he ended up... falling into old habits like burdening himself with the world. Again. At least this time he chose it. He's recognized the same reluctance in Lord El Melloi II. Call him a hypocrite, but he doesn't want him to repeat his mistakes.
When he brings up that he was probably a leader in his past, Roman almost snorts. He doesn't, though. While he prefers to drop the subject, he owes him an explanation. He can't be a coward forever and hide behind secrets as tempting that is.
"In that past life, um, well- I was born king," he chooses his words wisely. It's the best description he can give. Roman's neutral voice and posture lack the arrogance of every single ruler in Chaldea. Even Nitocris, with all her insecurities, carries herself with the regal confidence of a Pharaoh.
However, even in his usual unkingly ways, there are those rare occasions Roman stands his ground. On the same breath he lets some people walk over him, he's quick to remind the King of Heroes he's a Servant contracted with Chaldea. He has to listen to his Master, then. The surprising part is that Gilgamesh never tries to override his authority either, unlike the first unruly behavior with Ritsuka.
"I bet you were a cute kid, though," Roman says with a grin. It helps him to try to speak of something else. Something not Roman related.
no subject
The little nugget of information about Roman's past confirms the hunch El-Melloi II harbored about Roman having far more to him than he ever let on. It was the little slips in the past, and now everything simply made sense together. Rather than prod him further, he just nodded. "No wonder you've shied away from being in charge then."
It was hard to fault him for it, at least that was the undertone in Waver's statement. To spend a lifetime in that position, only to wish for a change and yet still be forced into such a role? Infuriating, absolutely infuriating.
There's a strained smile at the mention of childhood. "I was a precious brat," Lord El-Melloi II corrected. "Extremely precious."
no subject
"There's a constant ego-pushing around here," he admits, "Imagine most legendary rulers trapped in a single space." And some would love to extend their rule even if they were long dead. Queen Medb, Ozymandias, among others. "I try to not intervene when Ritsuka's trying to handle them. Usually, the Master is enough..." He sighs at the cases they get difficult and rebellious. He wonders if he's not cruel with his hands off mentorship.
His smile becomes more relaxed. "And you grow up to become a fine professor," he compliments, "So it has a good ending."
no subject
There was a grimness to the words. Mage heirs had to do it, whether they wanted to or felt well suited to the matter or not. That was simply the way of the world of magi. Many would be better off leaving it, but that would be to go against family wishes, and those were not easy things to buck.
At the mention of legendary rulers in a single place, a small, short laugh escaped Lored El-Melloi II's throat. It was quickly followed up by, "Sorry, sorry. I've just seen the attempt once and it was...unique." A banquet that only Rider could have pulled off. He'd be delighted to be in this place, wouldn't he? Hell. Darius was here, they could settle things properly.
"...I know there's a segment of the Clock Tower student population that would take the word fine in a different way, and I truly hate that fact." Why was that a thing? Why him?!
no subject
Roman bursts out in a brief, soft laugh. "Have you met Marie?" he asks, curiously. "She'll refuse vehemently. She has a strong sense of responsibility, even if she takes up a burden she hates." And he wishes she'll take care of herself more. "Only Lev could make her relax and he's gone." That makes his smile falter. Lev's suicide still haunts him. Why did he do that?
He looks up at Lord El Melloi II's rare laughter. "Uh, no it's fine? I think you should laugh more often." For his mental health. "Rulers sharing some kind of Servant dorm or...?" He's probably talking about his Holy Grail War. Roman knows and he's purposefully fishing up for information. It seemed like a good memory, after all.
He blinks, looking confused. "Huh? How else would you take it?" There is some British slang he's unaware?
no subject
He could probably go on for a lifetime about the topic too, but no one actually wanted that.
"...No, just," he paused, breathing through his nose. He didn't want to talk about the Grail War. He didn't. But if pressed, a cliff notes version of the incident was possible. "Rider tried to get all the other kings together to debate who should take custody of the Holy Grail. He just wanted them all to join his army anyway rather than fight."
It was an explanation delivered a little too cleanly, a little too emotionlessly. This was picking at a scab.
"...Fine is also used to mean attractive, Roman."
no subject
He really should tell Marie about this. The truth about him and her father. Sometimes he feels she hates him because she thinks he's either Marisbilly's secret child or some kind of mistress. Either way, a blemish to her family.
He's quiet when Waver explains Rider's plan. It sounds outrageous, even consider rulers would put their pride together. Naturally, the kind of person he used to be wouldn't have minded in the least. Marisbilly would have stopped him. "He sounds like a great guy," he says warmly to comfort Waver in a way. A little egotistical but most kings are. Then he vacillates for a few minutes, "I don't think it'll have work, though, even if they had agreed." The Grail needs Servants to die to fill it with their magical energy in order to operate.
Oh my god. He forgot because he was only thinking about praising how Waver had mature in a way a father does, but it could have been misunderstood. "I didn't mean it t-that way!" Roman immediately squeaks, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm not saying you're ugly." He really should stop talking, right? He feels his ears burn in embarrassment. "I was only saying you're an outstanding teacher!" That's it.
no subject
At the words great there was a flash of a smirk on El-Melloi II's face, as if Roman said some secret key word that explained everything about Rider. With an ease, he leans back in his seat, crossing one leg over the other. "Of course it wouldn't have. It'd only have a marginally better chance of success here. Doesn't mean the idiot wouldn't try with utmost earnestness."
The word idiot was said with real fondness, one that helped to gloss over the best vocabulary mistake Roman could ever make. "I know you meant it that way. I was remarking on the fact it was nice to hear it used in that manner rather than what I've heard way too many times over the years."
no subject
That's a sight. He has no idea what he did, but he's proud he made him smile (relax?), he feels at ease with that. "That's not what I mean," he clarifies, reluctant to continue. Did Lord El Melloi II not know? He's heard the outsider magi aren't really explained the details. Still, he left the subject die. It's not pleasant to talk about sacrifices right in front of his cake.
"Oh," Roman says, ears still hot and looking flustered. Oh. "I had no idea you were so popular," he admits. But makes sense if he was one of the few younger teachers.
no subject
It was said with real sincerity, along with real concern that this was goading Roman into something he shouldn't disclose.
"Unfortunately," he said with a grimace. "And little to be done about it."
no subject
"I want you to know it." It's not an obligation. It's something he wants to do.
His lips quirk into a smile. "You're encouraging them by staying a bachelor, you know."
no subject
"Okay," he said. Okay to all of it. "I..I just wanted to put all of that out there first."
It wasn't quite a plausible deniability, but the genuineness of those words were immediately undercut by Lord El-Melloi II's reaction to comments on his bachelorhood. "You sound like Reines," he said with real contempt in the four simple words. "Also, it wouldn't fix anything. Then whoever that poor partner was would just get shit, and that's unfair too."
I DIDN'T SEE THIS I'M SORRY.
He feels so exposed without it, but at the same time so free. There's nothing unusual about his hand, of course. It's a normal human one, with five fingers, and a gold ring fit on the middle one.
He smiles a bit more broadly at El Melloi II's women (?) trouble and compares him to his sister, "You don't know that," he says, giving a light shrug, "I assume if you ever liked someone to marry them then they wouldn't be the kind of person who is bothered by that kind of pettiness."
DON'T WORRY i was in conference exhaustion mode
With that subject gone, likely for good, he turned his attention to what Roman felt the need to share. Giving a quiet nod, he simply said, "I've spoken over what you want to say. Please, go on."
no subject
"Well, this," he gestures to the ring fitted on his middle finger of the ungloved hand. "Isn't a wedding ring, Lord El Melloi II." No matter what Mash said! Though he supposes it's also a holy covenant just as marriage was. "It's the catalyst Marisbilly used to summon me. The only one capable of it, actually," for he's vowed to follow that ring, since he sent it away to the future, "My true Class was Grand Caster. Technically, it would have been unthinkable one of us would have been summoned by a magus to fight in a Grail War." But Marisbilly managed to cheat better than any of the three families. "I am-was Heroic Spirit Solomon. Chaldea's first summon. When I wished to become a man, I lost the other nine rings, so this one was the one left."
He's not sure why he keeps wearing it every day. Is it because it was his only connection to his old life? Or is it because it is a reminder that he is Marisbilly Animusphere's Servant?
no subject
Solomon?!
King fucking Solomon.
There was a very long pause on Lord El-Melloi II's end as he processed every intonation of the words King Solomon (plus or minus profanity). It wasn't exactly hard to comprehend, Marisbilly was a powerful mage after all. It was more just...just the fact that he had essentially babysat King fucking Solomon at Clock Tower. And then used the man as a personal psychologist. And and and and a million other selfish little thoughts that churned in his head.
The words that came out of his mouth, however, were far quieter and betrayed a sense of really thinking through why it was he was speaking to just Doctor Roman, not one of the single greatest mages in all of recorded history.
"No wonder you wished for what you did."
They were said simply. Honestly. And with understanding.
no subject
"Well, yes. I would do it again, so I don't regret it," he admits, although he's spent most of his so-called vacation, you know, working. "Even if sometimes it gets hard to," he gives a short pause, "feel so much? I was never free to feel emotions before. When you met me I guess I was close to a newborn wearing an adult's body."
He looks away, apologetic about how easily excitable he was. There are times he's still has a hard time with emotional responses.
no subject
Come to think of it, that just meant Chaldea was business as usual.
It'd be a realization to dwell on later. "Nothing about you indicates to me that this decision could ever be a regret," and that was the truth of it. The line about never feeling emotions though, that had El-Melloi II's attention. He wanted to ask about it (ok, it'd just be what the fuck?), but there were some things he knew better than to prod at. "You've had a lot of things happen that invite overflow of emotions. I'm...I'm pretty sure you've felt stuff through far better than most."
God, Waver. Phrasing?
"And...I suppose that's a apt metaphor. But I'd have just called you curious."
no subject
Roman chuckles at Waver's description. "Curiosity was the natural one to develop first," he admits, "I used to see history as a tapestry." It's hard to explain how he used to see the world when his brain isn't longer able to process or replicate all his memories. "My eyes er, well, I was a clairvoyant, born with the Sight that pierced it all. Suddenly I couldn't see longer than the average man, not the past or the future of things, or what lies beyond this world and timeline."
He picks up his nearly empty coffee. He's sure it's cold now but still sips it. "And what was in front of me became like a fascinating secret to unravel," he makes a face, lowering the cold coffee. "I hadn't developed preferences then, either." Congratulations Waver for introducing and making the former King of Magic addicted to videogames.
no subject
"I think I follow." And Lord El-Melloi II was confident that he did. It was like seeing geologic time versus just living on top of one layer of strata, unknowing how it'd be seen thousands of years later. It sounded like a curse. "Your entire way of looking at things changed, and there was a novelty to everything as well. There still is, I suppose."
He'd be proud to pass on the tradition of getting someone into video games. "I guess you picked the right time to make your wish, in many ways. There's much more to do now than in ancient Israel, although I believe someone might have an opinion in idols?"
That was the worst joke made.
no subject
"Yes, it still is," he heaves a sigh, feeling his ears become hot. It's true his childishness is due to his inexperience in most things. It's been ten years and most of his time he's spent in Chaldea. "But living is learning, isn't it?" That too is good, he wants to keep on learning.
What would your sister say about this? "I know! I mean I loved my people, but modern humanity is just amazing," he exclaims with honest affection. He's pretty much the complete opposite of those Servants who yearn for the golden age of the past where humanity was, in their opinion, better. "People have more individuality now, I mean in a positive way." The one about their personal growth, and dreams, rather than the selfish kind. "Uh," he laughs awkwardly, idols, of course. "Solomon wouldn't even be free to browse Magi★Mari as I do so it'll be wasted on him."
Let him make clear that one was completely false.
no subject
"I'd agree that if you aren't experiencing something, you aren't learning. The only thing I say is that you should be doing it outside of these walls more, but that's for the future."
After the Grand Order.
Reines would berate him, so all the more reason to keep doing it. "Ooo, that's a debate to never have with Gilgamesh," he responded with a genuine flinch. Archer, because he would always just be Archer in Waver's mind, was still terrifying. That goddamn bridge continued to be in his nightmares.
At least the idol joke landed. "Absolutely wasted on him. And if it wasn't, you'd have to fight to be the number one fan as well. That'd be a nasty match."
no subject
"Uh, yeah, I'd love that too," Roman admits, looking at his plate a little more sentimentality. "Leonardo made this ridiculous craft and told me one day she wants to see the world with me," he pauses, feeling his ears get a little warmer, "And Ritsuka and Mash too. The four of us." However, he pauses a little and smiles fondly. "Let's also shop video games together someday in London, all right?" Hopefully, he's not death flagging them.
He anxiously picks up a portion of cake with his fork and takes a bite of it. He snorts, munching his cake. "Girmlhmesss alrmdhyph knmwowsh," he answers with his mouth still full of food. Then he swallows it and clears his throat. "I was saying, I'm pretty sure that the King of Heroes already knows my stance," he says shrugging unconcerned. It's not like Roman told him his secret, but he knows he knows and vice-versa. "He's one of us, eh, a clairvoyant, although different from that flowery bastard and I," mild-mannered Romani's tongue got a lot sharper now. As far as Roman is aware, Gilgamesh wasn't born with the Sight, it was more granted to him later, and the process to have visions is different from them. Even so- "There's this annoying 'atmosphere' among the Observers. We recognize each other." He sighs. He almost let that slip once in front of Ritsuka and Mash, but he amended it when Roman freaked out. He stabs the cake again. "Are you... scared of him?" he asks carefully, perhaps picking up his flinch. Gilgamesh can be hard to deal. Ritsuka finds him tiresome and is one of the few times Roman has to be the mediator between them.
Then all his seriousness melts away. "Damn straight! Who cares he's younger and more handsome." And wealthy and powerful king. "I have an actual personality... and a doctorate!"
no subject
"...I'm...okay, I'd get a few other servants to test drive one of Leonardo's inventions before taking it out," he said. Not that he didn't trust a genius inventor, but just to be in the safe side. The little future excursion did sound nice though, the kind of real vacation that would be needed after all of this. "We'll max out a credit card together. Then hole up with takeout for a few days." Lord El-Melloi II wouldn't even bother to shave.
Elegant, Roman. Through all the munching, he listens carefully. "It's...the same concept, but different varities and ways of seeing?" It was a point that did need clarification, if only to ensure that he followed the rest of Roman's words. Not that he minded the sudden sharp tongue. Hell, that version of Roman ought to stay as far as El-Melloi II was concerned. It was fun. As long as he could avoid talking about his past Gilgamesh experiences, which was something to engage in starting oh, now. "We've...I've encountered him before, and I think that's all I need to say."
There only Roman's new found mouthiness now and it needed to stay forever. "I'd debate the more handsome part, actually," he offered. "Just for the record."
no subject
"It's shaped in form of a cat," he warns him succinctly, "And I don't think it has any seatbelts." He didn't see one when Da Vinci displayed her proud creation. "I'll ask Marie for a raise," he nods but immediately wilts when he knows he'll have to tell her of Lev's suicide.
He's a master of elegance, and the idea to tell Olgamarie the bad news only makes him eat faster. "Uh, he can gaze the future, but I don't think he was born with that ability." He hasn't asked, but he's quite sure he's developed it later in life. "I haven't asked him, so I could be wrong. I just have this feeling." He shrugs a little. He's not sure Gilgamesh would have been so well adjusted in his youth if he had been a Clairvoyant from birth as Solomon and Merlin. "Anyway, I don't think he'll debate my stance with me. He probably knows that I won't change my mind," he says with a calm certainty. Roman can be flustered in a lot of this, but he's stubborn as a mule too. Because he's seen all he's seen, perhaps even more. Gilgamesh is arrogant, but Romani knows he speaks because he's certain of his knowledge. There's nothing new he can tell him as he could say to others. Even though Roman doesn't particularly agree with his tyrannical views either, he doesn't think his words are worthless either. Clairvoyants have a weird relationship.
But that's unimportant, he puts his fork down and glances at Lord El Melloi II. Before, he says. He can only think of an occasion. During the Grail War that he fought for sure. But Waver survived him. Then the sinking discomfort, wondering if it had been against Marisbilly and Solomon, would it have been the same? He lets a moment pass, two beats, three, and then- "Give me a list about which Servants are you uncomfortable with," he says, as acting director, as a friend. "I don't want to accidentally place you in a mission with them."
Roman laughs at Waver's remark. "That's flattery, and you know it." Still, his heart is pure for Mari. So he keeps the joke. "You think? I'll be a better catch as an aging doctor in my thirties?" He's got some self-loathing, though at least he knows he's not completely hideous, he's got of none Solomon's ethereal and otherworldly looks. But hey, at least Roman's taller.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
i'll probably be slow until sunday heads up XD;
No problem, I'm about to do the next leg of conference hell
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
lmao sorry about the iliad assumption I CAN CHANGE THAT IF YOU WANT
NOPE IT'S PERFECT
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
you know it'd be terrible if they bonded after the Fz event
fff i was thinking he summons lil' alexander first
this sounds great double the hot waver mess of emotions
the role reversal is always amusing because he looks up waver
yup and waver's just so conflicted bc lbr he definitely has a terrible crush on iskandar
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
should we timeskip after alexander is summoned, roman give him strong coffee and talk about aliens
aliens why did it have to be aliens. |D sounds good!
and we can move this!
(no subject)